Friday 13 May 2011

By Fiona Basile

For Gavin and Kelly Blue, 20 April 2006 is a date they will never forget. On that day, their daughter Alexandra Charlotte was stillborn at 32 weeks.

Only days earlier their doctor had informed the couple that Alexandra suffered from a genetic condition that would take her life. She would most likely be stillborn, or live only for a short time.

“The news came as a real shock to us,” explained Gavin. “It was completely unexpected as that specific genetic condition is usually picked up a lot earlier.

“After the initial shock, we were able to get our heads around what was going to happen, and prepare ourselves. We bought a beautiful little pink outfit for her to wear and a special bunny rug for her brother to sleep with, so that she would know what her brother smelt like if she did live for any time. And we just planned to get as much video and photos of our little girl as we could.”

Following Alexandra’s stillbirth, Gavin and Kelly participated in SIDS counselling for bereaved parents. During that time, Gavin became aware that parents who had lost a child in similar circumstances often had no photographs by which to remember their child.

“Some parents only had a crumpled old Polaroid while some other families had gone to an artist to have an illustration done of the child.

“When it happens, it’s such an emotional and traumatic time. For months you’ve had this child growing, and you’ve been thinking and planning its future, and all of a sudden it’s gone. It’s devastating.

“In those counselling sessions, I realised how lucky Kelly and I were to have so many beautiful photographs of Alexandra. She’s not here now, but she was a big part of our life, and we can look at the photos and remember her.”

And so began Gavin’s involvement with Heartfelt, a not-for-profit organisation of 130 professional photographers from all over Australia. They volunteer their time and talent to capture photographs of those precious last moments of a child’s life.

The photographers come from diverse backgrounds – advertising, corporate, wedding and portraiture – but they are all willing to encounter difficult and sensitive situations for families dealing with grief, or impending grief.

Gavin is national president and Victorian state coordinator of Heartfelt. He said: “Our state representatives are usually contacted by the hospital or a family member who knows of us or our work. We then organise for one of our members to travel to the hospital or to the family’s home to provide a portrait session.

“We provide this service free of charge, for any family who has experienced a stillbirth, or has a child who is critically premature or ill in the neonatal intensive-care units, as well as for babies and children with serious and terminal illnesses. But these are just guidelines.

“We’ve never knocked back a call, and we often know that time is of the essence, so we do our best to get there for the families.”

Gavin admitted: “It is often difficult work for the photographer. There’s a lot of raw emotion involved and we’re always thinking of how we can provide this gift in the most caring, sensitive and compassionate manner.

“Most – not all – of our photographers have experienced some type of loss or trauma in their own lives, so they have a natural empathy and sensitivity to the families. We’ve found that a lot of the families really appreciate having someone there who isn’t a doctor, and who have some sense of what they’re going through.

“It’s also a real lift for parents, that in all the trauma that’s happening to them, a total stranger would come along and give them a gift – which at the end of the day, is all they’ve got. When a baby dies, the family goes home to an empty nursery and over time, what evidence have they got of what’s happened?”

Each family is provided with a set of 4×6-inch prints, along with a disc of high-resolution images. The number of images taken depends on the nature of the portrait session.

“Every portrait session is different,” said Gavin. “We talk to the parents and try to capture those special features of the child. We ask the parents: ‘Whose ears has he got? Whose nose has she got?’ There’s always something unique about the child that is really cherished, so we try to highlight those.

“Sometimes you might not even see the child in the photographs – sometimes it’s more about capturing the beautiful essence of the child, the family, and the situation.”

Gavin and Kelly’s first child, Harry, is six years old. Then came Alexandra, followed by Archie, who is four, and Felix, who is two. “In our home we’ve got all the boys' newborn photos along with Alex’s– with Gavin’s hand holding Alex’s foot – on the wall. She’s not here now but she was a big part of our life,” said Gavin.

“The photographs we have of Alexandra have made a huge difference in our lives. Being able to share what happened is such an important part of grieving and healing.

“In the same way, Heartfelt photographs make a huge difference in the lives of the families we provide this gift to. We have countless testimonies to verify this.

“Taking photographs in these situations creates some dignity around what happened, and provides families with an opportunity to assert and express that their child was here, and that he or she did matter.”

For more information about Heartfelt, see www.heartfelt.org.au or call 1800 583 768. To email Gavin Blue: This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it

Kairos Catholic Journal Volume 22, Issue 8

Images (top right) Gavin Blue, (above right) Fiona Basile